If I were to change one thing about my life it would be to have had more children. I am blessed with two but advice to my younger self……have more kids.
As a parent of two, who started rather late in life, I completely agree. As a man, I knew I could and was happy to have waited, but having kids does in fact relieve some existential tensions. Unfortunately, many of my female contemporaries left it too late, for them. In many cases the current zeitgeist, owned by the Feminist Industrial Complex, fooled, and failed them. Its a huge and growing problem today.
I've never had an issue with anxiety, at least consciously. But I used to fear death (or at least not existing). That entirely melted away after my first child. It just make sense. Genetic code passed on, it's all in their little hands now.
I would caution to beware of misconceptions of choice. This is more commonly seen when discussing religion and happiness - Yes, religious people are happier but I cannot choose to believe in god to make myself happier. If you don't want children then having them because some data says that parents are happier is unlikely to work.
I can't work out whether you're taking the piss? 'Hey, patients complaining about angst, have a kid, and redirect it onto them instead (don't worry about Ill effects - people they hang out with will influence them more). At least temporarily until they grow up, and dont want you in their life anymore - then I'll see you again on the couch!'.
But I have to quibble with this: "why does nobody ever say that having kids was a mistake?" Really? I think you're suffering from severe sample bias. Some people are complete wankers or much much worse (all kids at least for some of their life - it's a statistical guarantee that if they hit adulthood they also go through puberty) and their parents would be lying if they said they didn't regret having them. Anyway, the survey data suggest it's about 10 in every 100. E.g: https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2021/08/why-parents-regret-children/619931/
I get the impression that there is a minimum necessary level of parenting. That minimum level is vital, but is also lower than most people seem to think.
If I read this 9 months ago I would be clueless. But this all makes so much sense as a new dad. For the first time in my life no longer centers around my work- rather my work centers around my life. It’s something to pay the bills and allows me to spend the most time with my son as possible. Nothing else really matters anymore- I don’t even have time to dream beucuse I’m still in survival mode. Anyway, thank you- this helps validate what I’m going through.
I like your main point here. I also think antinatalism is one of the most grim, decadent in a destructive way, antihuman ideologies out there.
I also think you're generally (and ahistorically) correct about the "evolved module", although I think it's *mostly* present in a female behaviour pattern/mind. I also think that's why women tend to be overall less creative/productive once you substract making and raising children: I might never achieve anything of importance or even meaning in this world due to the combination of lack of talent and focus/grit but I made two humans with my own body and mind. It does feel like a consolation prize, but it is a prize and it's most certainly consolation ;)
But to say that people never admit to regretting reproducing seems just completely disconnected from reality. Plenty of people do admit that, some even to their own offspring (with often unpleasant results), and others (usually but not always male) simply have no interest in engaging in any way (tho admittedly they might not actively regret it and who knows, maybe the idea that their DNA lives on somewhere soothes their existential anxieties). But I don't think you need this argument to maintain your main point.
I agree with you in general but I think you paint in too broad a brush. There are some people, mainly men, who regret parenthood and deal with it by abandoning their children. Some kids are born so disabled and in pain that the parents do indeed admit to regretting their existence.
Re: philosophy, why do people always seem to expect the truth will make them satisfied and feel fulfilled. Nothing about doing philosophy well requires it reduce anyone's existential dread. Maybe the truth just doesn't make us feel great.
If I were to change one thing about my life it would be to have had more children. I am blessed with two but advice to my younger self……have more kids.
Great. Thank you.
As a parent of two, who started rather late in life, I completely agree. As a man, I knew I could and was happy to have waited, but having kids does in fact relieve some existential tensions. Unfortunately, many of my female contemporaries left it too late, for them. In many cases the current zeitgeist, owned by the Feminist Industrial Complex, fooled, and failed them. Its a huge and growing problem today.
Great post, thanks.
I've never had an issue with anxiety, at least consciously. But I used to fear death (or at least not existing). That entirely melted away after my first child. It just make sense. Genetic code passed on, it's all in their little hands now.
I would caution to beware of misconceptions of choice. This is more commonly seen when discussing religion and happiness - Yes, religious people are happier but I cannot choose to believe in god to make myself happier. If you don't want children then having them because some data says that parents are happier is unlikely to work.
I can't work out whether you're taking the piss? 'Hey, patients complaining about angst, have a kid, and redirect it onto them instead (don't worry about Ill effects - people they hang out with will influence them more). At least temporarily until they grow up, and dont want you in their life anymore - then I'll see you again on the couch!'.
But I have to quibble with this: "why does nobody ever say that having kids was a mistake?" Really? I think you're suffering from severe sample bias. Some people are complete wankers or much much worse (all kids at least for some of their life - it's a statistical guarantee that if they hit adulthood they also go through puberty) and their parents would be lying if they said they didn't regret having them. Anyway, the survey data suggest it's about 10 in every 100. E.g: https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2021/08/why-parents-regret-children/619931/
I get the impression that there is a minimum necessary level of parenting. That minimum level is vital, but is also lower than most people seem to think.
I would like, for the record, the note that I do deeply regret having children, and consider it a very large mistake.
If I read this 9 months ago I would be clueless. But this all makes so much sense as a new dad. For the first time in my life no longer centers around my work- rather my work centers around my life. It’s something to pay the bills and allows me to spend the most time with my son as possible. Nothing else really matters anymore- I don’t even have time to dream beucuse I’m still in survival mode. Anyway, thank you- this helps validate what I’m going through.
I have never seen a better example of cognitive dissonance reduction than this essay!
I like your main point here. I also think antinatalism is one of the most grim, decadent in a destructive way, antihuman ideologies out there.
I also think you're generally (and ahistorically) correct about the "evolved module", although I think it's *mostly* present in a female behaviour pattern/mind. I also think that's why women tend to be overall less creative/productive once you substract making and raising children: I might never achieve anything of importance or even meaning in this world due to the combination of lack of talent and focus/grit but I made two humans with my own body and mind. It does feel like a consolation prize, but it is a prize and it's most certainly consolation ;)
But to say that people never admit to regretting reproducing seems just completely disconnected from reality. Plenty of people do admit that, some even to their own offspring (with often unpleasant results), and others (usually but not always male) simply have no interest in engaging in any way (tho admittedly they might not actively regret it and who knows, maybe the idea that their DNA lives on somewhere soothes their existential anxieties). But I don't think you need this argument to maintain your main point.
Children are a way to leave ripples in the stream of Time.
I agree with you in general but I think you paint in too broad a brush. There are some people, mainly men, who regret parenthood and deal with it by abandoning their children. Some kids are born so disabled and in pain that the parents do indeed admit to regretting their existence.
Re: philosophy, why do people always seem to expect the truth will make them satisfied and feel fulfilled. Nothing about doing philosophy well requires it reduce anyone's existential dread. Maybe the truth just doesn't make us feel great.